Bendy and Tash – The Lift

“What are you looking at Tash?” asked Bendy, as she admired her reflection in the kettle on her way to the lounge room.

“I was just looking at my ‘Moustache Styler’ magazine and wondering whether I should get it trimmed,” said Tash.

“Well, you did trip over it this morning,” Bendy said. “If you feel like a change why don’t you have blonde foils put in it to get a nice striped look that would match our rug.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” sighed Tash flicking over the pages. “By the way, don’t forget you have a doctor’s appointment today Bendy.”

“No, I hadn’t forgotten,” said Bendy. “I’m just deciding which underwear to put on…the brief lacy ones, or the extremely brief lacy ones.”

“You’re not going to wear those to see the doctor are you?” Tash said looking horrified. “Well, he needs to see everything,” Bendy said as she lay on the floor, in her striped leotard and leggings, with her legs around her neck.

“Well he certainly will if you wear those,” murmured Tash under her breath. “Why don’t you wear a pair of sensible pants instead?”

“SENSIBLE PANTS!!!!!” snapped Bendy covering her ears with her hands. “Never, and I mean NEVER let me hear you use that kind of language ever again Tash!”

Tash looked a bit crestfallen but decided to keep quiet and went back to her magazine.

Bendy had developed a sore hip due to all her contortionist moves and Tash had offered to accompany her to the doctors. It was a difficult time for Bendy as it meant that she had to rely on shop windows to admire herself in, instead of looking in her bathroom mirror every ten seconds.

They made their way to the city, stopping at a shop to buy some bananas as Bendy was having withdrawal symptoms and needed to look at her reflection in the shiny cash register.

Eventually they arrived at the doctor’s premises. Once inside they both got into the lift which had only one other occupant – a young man holding a cup of coffee. They both smiled at him and then Bendy pressed the button to go to the 10th floor.

All was going well until Tash started fiddling with her moustache which then got caught around the buttons on the lift panel. Suddenly the lift lurched to a stop. The young man started to panic.

“I didn’t tell anyone in the office where I was going…..I just slipped out for a cup of coffee.”

“Don’t worry said Bendy.” “Look, we have some bananas and you have coffee. We can amuse ourselves until someone comes to get us out.”

The young man’s eyes grew huge like saucers and he stared at Bendy and Tash like a frightened possum. Hammering on the door he started shouting,

“Help, help.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake!” Bendy said. “Get out of the way.”

She back flipped towards the door hitting it with her feet. This made the lift doors open slightly but they were between floors.

“I’ll slip through,” said the frightened young man.

Tash stopped him by circling her moustache around his waist which drew them close together but it was no time for embarrassment.

“If the lift starts going again you could get squashed,” she told him. He crouched in the corner and eyed the two women with a look of defeat.

Bendy then sprang into action. Grasping the lift doors with both hands she pushed as hard as she could and then slid through the gap taking time to admire her legs in the edge of the lift doors as she did so. The young man rushed to the gap pulling Tash over.

“Patience please!” said Tash as she unwound her moustache hair from around his body.

Bendy helped both the young man and Tash out to safety.

“Thank you,” the young man said and disappeared down the stairwell.

“Well done Bendy,” said Tash. “We had better get up to your doctor’s appointment.”

“You know,” said Bendy, “after all that effort my hip seems to have fixed itself. Let’s go home, put our feet up and you can tell me how attractive and wonderful I am”.

“OK,” said Tash. “That sounds like fun, and for a treat I will polish the coffee table so you can see your reflection in it whilst you are drinking your tea.”

“Oh Tash, you are such a great friend,” said Bendy, “but let’s take the stairs down.”

“Of course” said Tash.

She turned to go down the stairs but she tripped on the hair hanging over her shoe. Suddenly she fell backwards down the stairwell.

“Help!” she cried.”Help me Bendy!”

Bendy grabbed at her arm but it slipped from her grasp and she went tumbling down the stairs.

“Tash, Tash what’s wrong?”

Tash opened her eyes. To her surprise she was in her own bed. Bendy had a concerned look on her face.

“I think you were having a nightmare!” said Bendy. “You were screaming!”
Tash felt her upper lip. Her facial hair barely reached to the bottom of her lip.

“Thank goodness,” she sighed. “I think I would like to get a trim today.”

“OK but don’t forget I have a doctor’s appointment,” said Bendy.

“Fine,” said Tash, “but I will be taking the stairs!”

 

Bendy and Tash Remember Auntie Betty

Sipping on a cup of tea, Bendy starting sniggering.

“What are you laughing about?” asked Tash.

“I was just remembering a story about my eccentric Auntie Betty,” replied Bendy.

(Hmmn, eccentric eh, now I know where Bendy gets it from thought Tash).  “Well, what was so funny about her?” she asked.

“Well, it all happened in England, years ago. Auntie Betty lived in the country and her friend Carol suggested they give themselves a treat and have lunch at the Post Office Tower in London. It had a revolving restaurant and was quite famous at the time.”

Bendy smiled to herself. “Betty was a bit eccentric and used to put henna in her hair, and that was before it became fashionable!” she explained. “She always wore the same old nylon raincoat and a bright red beret.”

“I’m getting the picture,” replied Tash, trying to sound interested, “anyway, go on.”

Bendy frowned at Tash and said, “Well here’s the story: The best way for them to get to London was by train.  The journey took an hour and a half and they ended up sitting in a small carriage with four other people who were quietly reading.  They had only been there for about fifteen minutes when Betty opened her huge bag and rummaged around noisily.  Her friend Carol’s eyes widened when she saw that Betty had taken out a packet of crispbread biscuits, and quickly glanced at the other passengers.  Betty was struggling to get the packet opened and was making a lot of noise.”

“Another inherited trait, not being able to open packets,” thought Tash.

Eventually Betty took a biscuit out and started eating all around the corners of it until it became a circle that was small enough to cram into her mouth.  The noise she was making was very irritating to the other passengers but they just kept reading, occasionally looking up and frowning.  Betty must have been a bit peckish because she devoured the whole packet.  Carol was relieved to see her finish them but was then horrified to see her thrust her hand into the bag again and bring out another packet!

“That must have been so annoying,” said Tash.

“Yes,” replied Bendy, “but it’s nothing compared to what happened later.

They arrived in London and made their way to the Post Office Tower and waited in the reception area to get their table reservation checked before getting into the lift.  When they arrived at the top floor, they got out and made their way through to the restaurant.

Once inside, the waiter took their coats and hung them up on the coat rack.  Carol winced as she looked at the old raincoat and beret hanging on a hook right next to the high class designer coats that the other diners had been wearing.’

“It’s a bit posh in here,” thought Carol. “I’m glad we’ve already paid for the set menu which is supposed to be nice, because I know Betty is a bit fanatical about her food.”

The waiter came up to the table and handed them both a menu.  Betty put her large thick rimmed glasses on and started to read each item out loud whilst using her finger to outline the words.

After a few minutes, Carol was dismayed to hear her say, “I can’t eat that……I can’t eat that either……Oh, I don’t like that at all!”  Eventually, Betty exclaimed, “Well, there’s nothing I can eat on this menu!”

Carol was getting very embarrassed as Betty had a rather distinctive voice and people were staring.

The waiter had been watching them and could tell there was a problem so he approached the table and asked, “Is there a problem madam?”  “Yes!” Betty retorted loudly so everyone could hear, ” I can’t eat anything on this menu, so I’ll just have a bread roll and an orange juice please.”

“Well madam, I do have to inform you that you paid for the set menu so regardless of what you eat you will have to pay the full price.”

Betty’s voice went up an octave and she loudly exclaimed, “I’m not going to pay the full price for a bread roll! We’re leaving and we’ll eat elsewhere! I’d like a refund and please direct me to the stairs.”

“Madam,” the waiter said quietly, “you can’t go down the stairs, you’ll have to get the lift.”

“What!” said Betty, “But I can’t go down in a lift.”

The waiter replied, “But madam, you came up in the lift!”

“Yes I know.” replied Betty.  “I can go up in a lift but I can’t go down in one!”

The waiter continued, “Well I’m afraid you’ll have to madam.”

Carol knew Betty was eccentric but she hadn’t known about the lift problem.  “I want to speak to the manager!” Betty shouted, which made all the other patrons turn their heads to see what all the fuss was about.

The manager duly appeared and tried to appease Betty.

“Madam, what the waiter told you is correct, you are not allowed to go down the stairs. There are 814 steps, and even if you did go down them, which you are not allowed to do, you would be very ill.”

By this stage Carol was so embarrassed that she just stared at the floor wishing it would swallow her up.  After half an hour of arguing, and with the manager at his wits end, Betty finally agreed to go down in the lift……. but only if she sat in a chair and the manager went in with her.

“Oh gosh, I feel so sorry for Carol,” Tash said.  “How embarrassing to have a friend who gets into trouble and causes chaos everywhere she goes.”  Tash couldn’t stop grinning and had to pretend to look out of the window so Bendy didn’t see her laughing.

Bendy and Tash Have A Sinderella Moment.

Bendy and Tash were on their way to a very important party. The governor of a small but important principality- who was visiting Melbourne, Australia, had invited them to his son’s 25th birthday garden party.

They were of course running late because Bendy could not decide whether to wear her very best black pants, as it was a special occasion or her second best pair, as it was a garden party.

Tash had lost patience waiting for her and had decided to try a new facial hair conditioner. Unfortunately she had not realised that it had to stay on for quite so long. But at last they were on their way (Bendy had decided the occasion called for her very best pants and her new Jimmy Choo heels).

As they were so late there were no car parks so they had to walk the last few blocks. Bendy’s Jimmy Choos were hurting her toes a bit but she refused to admit to Tash that wedges might have been more sensible. As she reasoned, you never knew who you would meet, so it always paid to look your best.

They were almost there when they heard the clock strike twelve midnight. Suddenly a young girl came tearing around a corner and ran slap bang into Tash, knocking her to the ground. Bendy breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t her (she couldn’t take breaking another pair of heels) before extending a hand to help Tash up.

“What on earth is the hurry?” said Tash.

“I’m dreadfully sorry! I didn’t expect to meet up with anyone. I presumed everyone would be at the party,” replied the young girl breathlessly.

“That’s where we are going,” said Tash, “but what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get home, I’m just so embarrassed,” said the girl. Even though she was looking at the ground, Bendy and Tash could see her face was bright red.

Bendy and Tash looked at her shabby hair, mismatched make up and awful styling. While they sympathized with her they secretly thought she could have got a little advice from any reasonable department store…and what was with shoes or a shoe that looked like it was made of glass.

Just then the girl began to speak. “My name is Sinderella but people call me Sindy. I have lived with my stepmother and step sisters since my father died. They treat me like I’m their slave. We were all invited to the party but they left me so many jobs I couldn’t go. But half an hour after they left there was a knock on the door. A strange little lady was there. She insisted on coming in and told me she was my fairy godmother. She had a professional air about her so I let her go ahead. She claimed to represent Avon and a trendy clothing company.”

Bendy and Tash gave a slight shudder but allowed her to continue.

“She had big suitcases filled with make up and clothing,” said Sinderella, eyeing the carry on luggage bag Bendy was pulling behind her. “I don’t know much about that sort of thing. She applied my make up and dressed me up. I didn’t even get a chance to look in the mirror before she had called me an Uber and I was on my way.”

She continued, “I did feel special getting all that attention and I guess it went to my head. When I got to the party I floated in on a cloud of confidence. I chatted to everyone. Everywhere I went there was lots of laughter and gaiety. I had never felt so entertaining. All my shyness disappeared. I even talked to my step family. They didn’t even recognise me, I believed their glazed looks showed they were stunned by my beauty.”

As Sindy wiped her nose with her sleeve, Bendy and Tash exchanged a horrified look.

“The governor’s son asked me to dance. I danced with him for seven songs, feeling giddier and giddier. Just as the clock struck twelve we danced over to a wall of mirrors. Suddenly I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I may not be a fashionista like you two obviously are but I can recognise a hideous mistake.

Suddenly I realised the laughter had been at me not around me. I had to leave. I ran out of the ballroom, down the stairs and out of the garden. Then I bumped into you. I’ve even lost one of these silly shoes. That fairy godmother will probably be really angry. I just want to go home and never leave again.”

Bendy looked down at her perfectly pedicured toenails in their peep toe shoes and gave a little sigh. She looked over at Tash who raised one eyebrow and wriggled her moustache and gave a slight nod.

“Well,” said Bendy, “we were supposed to attend the party and it’s a shame to waste such a perfectly put together ensemble but this is an emergency.”

“The governor will understand. We are often called away to emergency situations,” said Tash. “I’ll send him a text.”

The three of them walked back to the car. Bendy pretended to stretch by turning a few somersaults but she was really taking the pressure off her feet. She managed to land just in front of the side mirror which gave her an opportunity to check her make up.

They drove to Sindy’s house. When they got there the front door was wide open and what looked like the family silver was piled into the back of a station wagon.

“Oh no we’re being robbed,” said Sindy.

“I’d say she’s being scammed,” whispered Tash to Bendy.

They heard a noise from inside the front room.

“Get her!” yelled Tash.

Suddenly Bendy cartwheeled across the lounge room floor. She placed her legs around a woman’s neck and flung her to the ground. Tash followed and after whipping a curtain cord from the wall had the woman trussed and lying quietly in a minute.

“But that’s my fairy godmother!” complained Sindy. “But why would she steal the silver? It’s not even real silver.”

“We need to call the police,” said Bendy, but first things first.

For the next thirty minutes Bendy and Tash redid Sindy’s make up and hair. Then they explained how to put a flattering outfit together and how important finding the correct shade of lipstick and eyeshadow was. Finally when they were totally prepared they rang the police. The police were delighted to find Bendy and Tash there.

“Thank goodness you two have been able to solve this dreadful crime,” said the Inspector.

“It was quite simple really,” replied Tash. “No Avon lady would create a make up faux pas  like this one did. They are far to highly trained for that. We could smell a rat from the very start.”

“Not to mention,” added Bendy as she tried to see her face in the Inspector’s shiny police badge, “no Avon lady would take fake silver.”

“What…fake silver..Damn!” groaned the thieving woman.

The police constable hauled her up off the floor and took her back to the police station.

Later as Bendy, Tash, Sindy and the Inspector shared a bottle of Bollinger that they had found in the wine cellar, Sindy sighed.

“I did really like the governor’s son. I was hoping he would ask me out!”

“Well you had a lucky escape!” said Tash, “He has three wives already at home. You don’t want to be number four.”

“Oh I’ll never find a boyfriend!”  said Sindy.

“I don’t have a girlfriend and I think you’re very pretty,” said the Inspector shyly.

Tash looked at Bendy.

“I think our work here is done,” she said. “Let’s go home.”

“Wait,” called Sindy as they reached the front door, “I would like to give you something.”

She placed a small muslin bag in both their hands. As they opened them they each saw a beautiful pair of diamond and pearl earrings.

“My father was an oyster farmer but I don’t like pearls. But you could wear them.”

“These are real, not cultured pearls,” said Tash.

“Enjoy them,” said Sindy, “I just wish I could do more for you.”

Bendy placed her arm around Sindy.

“Why Sindy, these ten thousand dollar earrings are all the thanks we need.”

Keep watch for the next exciting episode of Bendy and Tash when Auntie Betty crops up.

Bendy and Tash – Washing Machine Woes

The day hadn’t started very well for Bendy as she had dropped the lid of the plastic margarine container on her bare toe whilst she was making breakfast. You wouldn’t have thought that it would hurt, but the hard corner fell on her toe and actually left a bruise.

“Ouch!” said Bendy, hopping around the kitchen on one leg. She looked down at the bruise and sighed, “Great, now I’ve got a blemish on my perfect foot.”

Then grumpily, in a loud voice so Tash would hear, she said, “What else could possible go wrong today!”

Tash had been doing the washing and went to check on how it was going. The machine was a front loader and immediately when she entered the laundry she noticed that there was a little puddle of water on the floor in front of the machine.

“Bendy!” she called out, “come quickly the washing machine is leaking.”

Tash knew that Bendy was extremely handy when it came to household disasters and was quite relieved to pass the problem over to her.

Bendy looked at the situation and decided she had to pull the machine away from the wall to investigate. The machine was extremely heavy so Bendy went and got a piece of wood to slide it on to.

“Hmm,” said Bendy, “I think we need something else.”

She went into the shed and came back with a mattock. Tash looked a bit surprised at this but had full confidence in Bendy.

“What do you need the mattock for?” she asked Bendy.

“If we put the wide end of the mattock under the bottom of the machine it will slide better,” replied Bendy.

Tash was bending down trying to help pull the machine forward when Bendy’s hand slipped and the mattock handle hit Tash on the side of her neck.

“Ouch,” said Tash.

Within seconds, the floor mop fell off the hook on the wall and hit Tash on the other side of her neck. Tash was scrunching her face up in pain but Bendy had to look the other way as she was trying to stop herself giggling.

“It’s not funny Bendy,” Tash said, “that really hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” Bendy snorted with laughter.

Bendy climbed over the machine and proceeded to take the back off it. She glanced up at Tash who was leaning up against the wall fiddling with her moustache whilst she looked through a catalogue of new washing machines.

“I am going to fix the machine, we don’t need a new one,” Bendy said.

Tash just pouted and sighed.

After investigating, Bendy informed Tash that she couldn’t see anything wrong with the machine so she put everything back together. Tash stood outside the laundry door whilst Bendy pushed the machine back against the wall as she didn’t want to risk being hit in the neck again.

“Oh you are so strong Bendy,” Tash said.

“I know,” said Bendy. “That is why I can wrap my legs around my neck and do so many cartwheels and somersaults.”

“I wish I could have wrapped my legs around my neck then I wouldn’t have been in so much pain,” Tash thought to herself, remembering the mattock handle and floor mop.

With everything back in place Bendy stroked her chin and wondered what could be the problem. Suddenly she had a bright idea.

“Tash, when was the last time you checked the filter on this machine?”

Tash hung her head and went crimson.

“It must have been at least three months ago,” she whispered.

Bendy removed the filter cover and there was the culprit! The filter was full of rubbish.

“That would explain the leak,” Bendy said, looking at Tash. “We have just wasted three hours on this when I could have been standing on my head admiring myself.”

“I’m sorry” said Tash, “let me make you a nice cup of tea.”

They went into the lounge room and Bendy sat down patiently waiting for her tea. She could hear the clinking of cups and then Tash appeared at the doorway.

“Here’s your tea Bendy,” Tash exclaimed, just before she tripped over the rug.

The last thing she remembered seeing before landing face down on the floor was Bendy sitting there with tea dripping down her face.

Bendy looked at Tash with steely eyes and said, “You KNOW I only like Orange Pekoe…  THAT was Earl Grey!!!”

What new situation will Bendy and Tash find themselves in. Stay tuned to find out how our two heros provide essential assistance to a young lady .

Bendy and Tash – The Will

Bendy had decided to update her will. After her initial appointment, the solicitor’s office rang Bendy to come in and sign the final copy of her will. Tash said she would go with her and make sure she was alright as something always went wrong where Bendy was concerned.

Whilst they were running across the road Bendy’s Jimmy Choo high heel got caught in a crack in the pavement and bent.

“Oh no!” said Tash (Bendy was too traumatized to speak).

They carefully made their way up the street with Bendy leaning on Tash to save her heel.

“What am I going to do?” said Bendy, glancing at her reflection in the shop windows.

“We’ll just have to buy you some new shoes after the solicitor’s appointment,” said Tash.

They gingerly made their way to the solicitor’s and announced their arrival to the receptionist. After a few minutes wait, the solicitor greeted them and ushered them into her office. Bendy sat with her legs tucked under her chair so no one could see the bent heel.

The solicitor got out a large folder and produced the will. Before signing it Bendy and the solicitor had to read through the document together.

The solicitor read out Bendy’s name and she then said, “…and you don’t have a middle name?”

Bendy replied, “Yes, I do, it’s Wendy.”

The solicitor said, “You didn’t tell me that before.”

Then after a pause, Bendy said, “Did you want to know my other name? – it’s Cindy.”

The solicitor said,“Yes!” (frowning at Bendy).

They continued to read the document through. Just then Bendy said, “Did you also want the middle name of Tash?” At this point the solicitor looked very exasperated got up and left the office to get the document altered.

Whilst she was gone Tash told Bendy to stop curling her legs around the chair or they would get stretched.

“I can’t help it,” said Bendy, “I just have the urge to do a somersault.”

When the solicitor came back with the new document, she had also brought a young girl to act as a witness. Bendy was sitting down level with the desk and the solicitor was standing up.

The solicitor put her finger on the document and said, “Sign here.”

Bendy said, “Where?”

She said, “Here!”

Bendy said “Where?”

She said “HERE!”

Then Bendy said, “I can’t see where to sign as you have your finger in the way.”

By this time Tash was looking out the window, curling her moustache around her fingers and thinking that the solicitor will lose patience soon and think Bendy is really stupid.

It was obvious to Tash that Bendy was more concerned with having to buy a new pair of shoes than signing anything. She noticed Bendy kept staring at her feet and Tash knew that she was wondering whether she would be able to get another pair of shiny patent shoes that she could see her reflection in.

Eventually they both left the office and went to the nearest shoe shop. They walked in and Tash noticed a pair of shoes that were under a sale sign that said $69 and thought that they would be OK. Bendy wasn’t quite as excited about them but they were patent and she could see her face in them, so that was a plus.

They got to the counter and the assistant started to process the payment and said, “That will be $110.”

Bendy said, “No, they are on special.”

The assistant said, “I will go and look,” and off she went. There was a queue of people waiting behind them and Tash kept turning around and apologizing.

The assistant came back and said, “Will you come and show me where you saw them?”

Off Bendy went with the assistant, saying sorry to everyone in the queue as she went. Of course, the shoes were NOT on special, even though they were sitting in front of the reduced sign!

Bendy made her way back to the counter (apologizing for the third time to the queue of people who assured her it was not a problem (liars!). Bendy said she’d have them anyway and asked if she could wear them out of the shop as her heel had broken.

The shop assistant agreed and asked if Bendy would like to take the box that they came in. Bendy said yes and the assistant took the electronic tags off the shoes so they wouldn’t activate the alarm at the front of the shop.

Bendy and Tash walked out the door only to hear the loud beep of the alarm – there was an electronic tag left in the shoe box!!!!!

“Oh how embarrassing,” said Tash, pushing her way past Bendy causing her to trip and break her new heels. Devastated, Bendy somersaulted out of the shop, cartwheeled down the road and landed outside an expensive shoe store.

Quickly standing upright she glanced through the window adjusting her short skirt to hide her frilly underwear.

Spying a pair of sensational black patent high heels glistening in the window, was too much to bear. With Tash out of sight, Bendy rushed into the shop and purchased the shoes.

Not wanting Tash to see them as they were so expensive, she stuffed them up her skirt and walked barefoot down the street. By this time Tash had caught up to her. Watching Bendy swaying side to side, she asked, “Are you OK?”

“Yes why?” said Bendy, not being able to look her in the eye.

“Well it’s just that your hips seem to have got bigger on both sides and there are pointy bits sticking out.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous!” said Bendy “It’s just my new way of walking that I have developed.”“You wait and see, everyone will be doing it soon!”

Tash just looked up to the sky, twirled her moustache and smiled to herself. She was deciding when to inform Bendy that she was exposing her frillies because the heels of her new shoes had got caught in her skirt!

On the way home Tash opened up her purse to see the governor’s Late Night Garden Party invitation. Will those new shoes make their maiden appearance?